Crying

Hi Everyone Is it ealthy, to Cry when it hurts. Is it healthy, to Cry when you are so tired that you cant sleep and your onlyway to sleep is to tire yourself with tears. Is it healthy, to Cry at all. I Cry because i cant sleep, i cant think, i cant eat. I cant live without Crying. Is it Healthy to Cry. X

Love

Sitting here watching Crap on TV my mind wanders, just drifting off and all i can think about is her. All i can think about is- i wish she was here, is she okay, is she happy, is she thinking about me, WOW there is no one quiet like her. i suddenly realise that i've never fealt anything quiet like this and that if this is not love, then love doesn't exist there is nothing in this world more than this, no one in this world feels stonger than this.

What hurts is that there is no one in this world that feels this way for, there is no one in this world that sits there doing nothing and suddenly thinks "I wonder what Spyke is up to" or "I'll just give Spyke a quick ring just to hear his voice" and i have to ask myself why is this.

Now don't get the wrong idea i'm by no means alone, i have Friends some best friends, some mearly aquintenses, i have people who want me there and people who say they care for me, so i am not alone, never alone.

But why is it in a room full of people, i feel alone? Because no-one feels this way for me, more specifically she doesn't feel this way for me.

Now i'd love to say thats okay id love to say i can live with that but i can't, it pains me to know she doesn't feel that way, it pains me to know that i will never be that one for her. It pains me to know that i will wait a life time for her because i cannot settle for Second Best and every one comes second best to her. It pains me.

I love her and always will. I will always be alone, but its better than settling for someone who you do not or cannot love.

Good night all. XX

YOU know who you are

I just wanna say you know who you are and i love you. X i love, always have and always will. X

Forgive Me

Hi The reason i am asking for forgiveness, is actually for the following blog. Yes i am drunk, and yes i probably shouldn't be blogging in my current frame of mind but there is a few things i need to get of my mind and i dont have the balls to say it sober. Yes i get crap for my name change Yes i get crap for the amount of alcohol i drink Yes i get crap for being over weight Yes i get crap for being attracted to men or women that are way out of my league Yes i get crap for obsessing over people who are blatantly not interested Yes i get crap for not having the balls needed to ask a women out Yes i get crap for my tattoes and piercings Yes i get crap for my dress sence or lack there of Yes i get crap for not following the comands of every person who thinks they have a leash on me Yes i get crap for automatically saying what comes into my head And Finally Yes i get crap for being my self. But a little message to all you people out there who ever gave me crap for any of the Above. you can go and F**K yourself for all i care because for the first time in a very long time i am relatively happy and if everyone who gave me crap left me alone i might actually be very Happy. So I am who i am, get used to it. Spyke XX

Why is it so Difficult to say no, and am i the only who struggles with this little problem. when people ask "Are you OK" Why can i not say No, why must i say I'll be fine. When a women asks me to do something for them why can i not say No. Please people please tell me I'm not the only one out there with this problem. Help Spyke XX

Do you find me attractive

Hi All

Do you find me attractive, Please vote honestly

Thanks

Spyke

XX

The Name Change

HI All Back again to bore you with some boring facts from my current plain existence. Well today i have many an argument about my Name change. You see I'm changing my name to Spyke officially and currently letting everyone know but for some reason a lot of people are finding it very difficult to accept it. I have found there are many people keep purposefully calling me by my previous name just to p**s me off. To be honest i don't understand it, Ive always gone by Spyke and for the few people who know and use my real name, now it will be Spyke. but unfortunately for me a lot of people just seem to want to annoy me. Am i wrong in asking people to call me by the name i feel most comfortable with, Am i wrong to try and disassociate myself from my previous life my shedding the skin of my former self. Am i wrong to ask those around me to help in this by using the name i choose and am comfortable with. What do i do, i want to and am changing my name, but i cant still use my previous name by answering it, but at the same time i don't want to come across as a prat by refusing to acknowledge people who don't call me Spyke. Thanks for listening

Colours

Today i was thinking about stuff and something popped into my mind. Can anyone describe the colour red. i tried describing the colour red as if the person you are speaking to has never seen Red before. and i dont think i can, so i was hoping ther was somone out there that could. Please help me. Spyke X

Friends

I spent most of my life (as I'm sure a lot of people did) molding my life around those around me. Changed what i like and who i am based on what they want, or at least what i think they want.

But today something happened to me, after yet another change, yet another doing as i was told, something dawned to me. something people have been trying to tell me over the years, something i thought i already knew. The only person making me do these things is me. i bend to others whim, i change myself in the image of others, and i am not happy with myself otherwise i wouldn't be doing these things.

So after much contemplation and a couple mini panic attacks, about life and what i need to do with mine, i realised that all i need to do to stop myself from doing these very self destructive acts, is be happy.

I need to be happy with who i am, be happy with what Ive got and where I'm going in life. If i truly am happy with myself then there will be absolutely no reason to change who i am, and i f i can accept myself for what i am then maybe others will too.

I may be loud, i may be annoying, pedantic and arrogant. but if i can live with that then maybe others can to.

So i guess the message today is, "Be true to yourself, you are great as you are."

Thanks

Spyke

X

Life, Love and Sex

I spent most of my adult life looking for Love and Sex, now I'm not saying the two are mutually exclusive but i once thought it was. I spent the last 4 years thinking sex was love and love was sex, i spent time looking, searching for what it was i thought i wanted. I also thought i found it once or twice, but all i saw was heartache and loneliness, i do believe you can have love without sex, and i do believe you can have sex without love, but i don't believe for one moment you can have Life without the both of these thing.

I have lived as very unfulfilled life, i have not travelled a thousand miles, i have not swam with Dolphins, i have not ran with the Pack, i have led no remarkable life. But i was given a remarkable gift, i have met someone, someone special. She has the potential to go all the way, she is intelligent, she is pretty and she is funny. Now i hardly know the women and I'm not saying i love her, i am saying i like her and I'd like to get to know her more and see if anything happens.

We can but hope.

I have been rejected in the past, i have been humiliated and i have endured ridicule at the hands of those i thought loved me, but some how i soldier on, somehow i force myself to believe the impossible is possible.

and if you ever feel like there is no going forward, like you can take anymore then believe me when i say "Hope triumphs over experience"

X

Losing a friend

I've known for a while that one of my best friends is leaving to go to Hull and unfortunatly i found out that this is happening sooner than i originally antisipated. Now on the one hand, i'm totally happy for him however, on the other i am angry for him for leaving me.

Now i am aware im just being Selfish, i am aware i have no right to wine and moan, but i still do. Most of today i have though about some of the memories we shared together (look at me i sound like JD of Scrubs, lol). Any way as i was saying as much as he annoys me like all the time, well we have still had some good times, he has introduced me to some great music and great movies and some great comedians. He has shaped my life for the better in more ways than one, and im totally going to miss him.

Anyway the real questions is, Is it wrong for me to make him suffer and go into recluse about this or do i accept his good news and wish him all the best.

Thanks People. X

Me

Hi Every body

Just a quick introduction to start with and soon enough you'll be getting a daily report of evety thing that is going on in my life and all the strange thoughts that have to be kept in my head so as not to scare civilized society.

I work full time in an office surrounded by people who don't understand me, but dont we all. there is a couple of people at work that knida get me, and a few who really don't. My sexuality is debated by all and unknown to me, i am past my experimental stage and still im unsure, but hey will i ever.

I'm currently single but am suffering from a sever case of unrequited love, am trying to get over this by focusing my attentions on some one else. Plus im not really allowed to like this person as i have a friend who has a thing for her and well you guys out there you know the rules. there is a guy at work thats flirting with me but he not really my type, i do flirt back i mean who wouldn't but im not really interested maybe summit might happen, maybe not just a bit of fun.

I still think my Ex girlfriend has feelings for me but that flame extinguised a while ago. Anyway thats enough ffom me. Undoubtable there is more to say and more that will be said but for now all ive got to say his Good Night and speak to you soon.

X